View Single Post
Old 08-29-2012, 08:40 PM
Urvile Urvile is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Seattle
Posts: 25

Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
Sounds like you're thinking about actually talking about this. I'll check back later to see if you really are ready to talk.

I have been thinking about our exchange. Just in case you decide not to come back to this thread, I want to point out something I think is interesting. Maybe if I point it out here and now, you will read it.
I'm back. And I'll be direct while answering your questions.

Among your complaints is your girlfriend lies to you. You and I are not in a relationship. We are just chatting about you on this forum. Even through this chatting, I get a sense of who you are. I pay attention when you write something. I pay attention when you answer a question. In short, I pay attention when we are talking.
I've been surprised by the directness. I like it.

You backed away from that. You say you want your girlfriend to pay attention to you. The fact is she does not pay attention to you very well.
Yes, this has been true, and I've seen it, in both small, and large ways.

What does this say about you?
Here is the pattern I see:

You pay very close attention to someone (your girlfriend) who does not pay much attention to you. On the other hand, I pay very close attention to you when we talk on this forum. You backed away from that. That tells me you are uncomfortable talking with someone who pays close attention to what you say and do.
I'm not uncomfortable, I would say, I'm learning how to communicate both to you, and within this forum. You may have seen uncertainty, mostly it's not what I say, and mean, but how I say it. Never the less, my goal is to communicate clearly, and without ambiguity.

I know I am only a stranger on the internet, but our forum chat still requires each of us to pay attention to the chat. I notice the amount of attention you give to our chat. You felt the need to stop when my questions got too close to something in you that you did not want to talk about.
The need to stop was because I was late to work, work has been stressful.
I could have said nothing and then waited to respond. I was trying to be respectful of your time.

Again, this revels a pattern in you. You say you want others to pay attention to you, but you would rather give your attention to someone who does not reciprocate that attention (your girlfriend), than someone who does (me). You back away from someone like me who is giving you attention, and uses that attention to try to see who you really are. This is a strong pattern in you. It causes you a lot of anguish. It will continue to cause that anguish until you are willing to look directly at whatever is inside of you that is causing it.
See above.

The last few things you said to me clearly indicated you were getting uncomfortable. You were starting to dance around the very stuff you did not want to talk about. That stuff is exactly what you will need to talk about (at the very least with yourself) to resolve this within yourself.
I'm here, I'm willing to both talk and listen.

Whether we talk again or not, I wish you the best.
Thank you.

Last edited by Urvile; 08-29-2012 at 08:45 PM.
Reply With Quote