I spent 9 days with TGIB earlier this month. It was the first time we've ever been together without MC or my kids around. It was amazing. I met his parents, his ex, his kids, his friends...but we had SO much just US time. It was fantastic, and I didn't want it to end. But of course it had to. I've decided I LOATHE long-distance relationships. I'll put up with it for as long as I need to in this situation, because TGIB and our relationship are worth it, but I will NOT be looking for another LDR. Of course, I wasn't *looking* for this one. I've realized that I'm only situationally poly- I haven't and likely will never go out looking for additional committed relationships. This one grew out of a friendship, and I'll put in the extra work and effort as needed, but I don't want this configuration for its own sake.
TGIB's grandfather passed away suddenly yesterday, and so twice in one month I feel like I've been slapped in the face by the restrictions of our situation. I HAD to come home at the end of the 9 days, and come back to being a stay-at-home parent, just like he HAD to stay where he is to be there for his kids. And now, though I really, really want to be able to be THERE with him while he deals with this latest grief, it just isn't possible right now. MC is supportive, and helped me explore options, but the reality is that we just don't have the time or money available at the moment. And it sucks.
I tend to come to my blog when I'm unhappy. That's when I want to write things, get them down in black and white and out of my head. When I'm happy I don't feel the need in the same way- a lot of my happiness just gets hugged to my heart. Perhaps that's why I'm bad at blogging- I'm aware that it results in a fairly negative, unbalanced perspective. But if having this space here lets me get more of the negativity out rather than laying it on the people around me, even if that's all it does, then it's worth keeping up with occasionally.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack