I'm one of the co-organizers of the meetup that drtalon mentioned.
The meetup's good, cuz we offer some things that are much smaller groups than the friday coffee nights, and thus you'd be less likely to find cliques etc.
(I never recommend that specific event for anyone's first poly outing, in my opinion. Very intimidating since it attracts a huge crowd.) Smaller discussion groups, dinners, brunches, movie nights, etc...are probably more what you'd be looking for!
Our membership list is not viewable to anyone outside the group.
But if privacy still a concern, the meetup requirement for a pic is more for an "avatar" purpose. You do not need a face pic per se, just something that labels your profile.
As long as anyone thoroughly & completely answers the profile questions to get in the group to show you're serious about poly and not just passing through, me and the other organizers will clear it on through!
If you have any questions, feel free to send me a private message.