stay strong. From what you have written it sounds as if you are trying your best. your husband also sounds like he is putting an effort into things. it seems that he can get a little to into it (big bag of toys lol)
Both of you have the drive to make this work. you've got the love, time, and ground work for a beautiful poly/kinky/married/open life together. you've just gotta work on it.
find out how you can make him more comfy going out alone to the munches or even finding a part time play partner online. he clearly loves you but as you siad, he needs to have his needs met too. you have found a great friend in M.
do the three of you hang out together???
maybe M can talk to him about it since he is on the outside of things. M could also take him out so your hubby won't feel alone when looking for new kinky people.
i understand having different sexual and emotional needs. been there a million times. still working on it now. having someone to talk to and understand is always a good thing. i'm glad you have M. maybe you can talk the hubby into a double date. you and M and hubby and ***insert random kinky girl name here***