When your sexual tastes are different
My husband and I have hit another wall in our relationship.. Actually it is the same wall we keep running our heads into. Bear with me this may be a bit long.
I have been with my husband D for 11 years. He told me way back then that he is kinky and his tastes. I told him from very early on in our relationship his BDSM desires made me very uncomfortable. I have a high sexual drive but my tastes are more vanilla. He is into being dominated/humiliated/flogged the whole nine yards. I told him I am sorry can't do it and set him free.
HE decided to that he wanted to be with me. But unfortunately his desires keep coming back. I do not blame him one bit. He is who is he is. But I am who I am. Trying to fulfilled his needs makes be feel dirty, disgusting, objectified. I have tried meeting him part way and indulging in his foot fetish stuff but he is always pushing for more. I have told him to go find a play partner I just can't do this.
The problem he wont.... He is mono. He said he would be open to finding someone to play with but I have to find her for him. WTH I am not his pimp and that so is not happening. I have tried to get him to get out into the local scene he won't go without me. I am not comfortable with attending their local Munch. I am the poly one and he suggested opening up to me finding someone who makes me happy. I was not seeking an second relationship out of respect for my husband and I's relationship. I didn't get involved with anyone for well over a year after opening up our marriage. Unfortunately apparently he did so for selfish reasons. I am more likely to cave a bit when I am really happy and play a bit further. The problem is it always leaves me feeling disgusted and used.
I love my husband and I want him to be happy. He deserves to have his desires met. He is more than welcome to find someone else to fulfill those desires, but he wont. So I feel guilty. I do not want him to have a miserable life and I feel horrible but I just can't go there. I am about ready to set him free (divorce) even though he says it is not an option.
Today is the first time all 3 of our kids are out of the house at school leaving my husband and I home alone. I had planned on a little foot play to make my husband happy. As we are getting ready to get started he comes down stairs with his whole bag of toys. That just killed the whole mood for me.. I am a person who prefers to operate on spontaneity. When you try and push I balk. I freaked out and shut down.
I have found happiness with my boyfriend M. His tastes match my own. He actually is my peace and support through this whole mess. The first thing I wanted to do when my husband pushed me beyond my comfort zone today is run to M. Who is my rock. Now I feel like a jerk.
I just do not know what to do.... I am tired and exhausted.
Last edited by Dagferi; 08-29-2012 at 02:38 PM.