I have no good advice for you as I have a (sort of) similar problem. I have been involved long distance with someone who is just going through a divorce, but has fallen for me pretty hard (as I have fallen for her). I'm married and my wife is aware of everything and is starting to be supportive of me having another lover in my life.
But she understandably has reservations about this particular person, whom she feels threatened by, and my lover seems to want me exclusively. We have not actually met in person, but will likely very soon.
I guess what I'm writing is a little applicable in that I have been taking the attitude of just keep going and deal with the issues and problems later. And now there is a possibility that it will end with the lover and it hurts terribly. So there is a downside of just going for it and dealing with it later.
I realize my post does little to address your issue or help you, and am sorry for this. I saw we are both from the bay area, so I thought it would be nice to respond.