Can a mono/poly relationship work?
I am in a quad with my husband and our two best (married M/F) friends. We are all very firmly poly and love and respect each other, and we consider ourselves family. We have an agreement that we can have outside partners as long as they are okayed by all members of the quad.
Recently, one of my good friends got divorced. I have always had an attraction to him that was emotional. He knows about our quad and is very supportive of it. He and I have talked about exploring a relationship with each other but he is pretty firmly monogamous. We have talked in depth about what this means, jealousy issues that may arise, and the fact that somewhere down the road our relationship may have to end if he finds someone to be mono with.
Is there any way this can actually work? He is my friend first and foremost. He is friends with the other members of my quad and he claims he oddly (his words) feels no jealousy. He says the only thing he has a problem with is knowing he can never be mono with me. I know he could be one of the great loves of my life, and vice versa, but I am not sure if I am just setting myself, and him, up for heartache. I have told him I would rather experience loving him than not, despite the heartbreak that could ensue.
Right now he is unsure of any kind of relationship as he is still healing from his divorce. We have put our entire friendship and relationship on hold for a bit so he can heal more and work on himself. I respect his decision and I know it is definitely not about me, that it is about him needing to focus on himself and I am just hindering that at the moment. I have no doubt that he will remain in my life, at least as friends, as we have a very strong emotional connection. I just want to work on some of my own issues surrounding this while he works on his.
Any thoughts? I am assuming most people will tell me to run the other way from this....