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Old 08-29-2012, 06:17 AM
tallOakland tallOakland is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 16
Default Married for a long time, starting to be poly

I have been with my wife for 14 years. This is my third marriage (I'm 51) and I have struggled with monogamy for all of my life. I have cheated at times, but never had any sort of long term affair. I would always feel terribly guilty about cheating. I have spent years in 12-step programs to try and address this as a sexual compulsion (and I do know I'm compulsive about some sexual things).

About 6 months ago I started talking with someone across the country and have fallen in love with her. I have been open about this with my wife. We have not yet met in person. It recently became clear to me that I'm simply a non-monogamous person. I love to be with others, to flirt and play with them, and also to establish loving relationships and connections. When I realized this about myself it was a great relief. I have been very open with my wife about all of this. I have read most of The Ethical Slut, Opening Up, and Sex at Dawn. I really resonated with The Ethical Slut, it's who I am.

My wife has been really trying to accept this. Part of my problem is my across the country lover is also in love with me, but essentially wants me full time, and looking into the future she has a hard time seeing how things can work for her in the long term. My wife seems to be willing to share me on some limited basis, which I would be fine with. My lover and I are supposed to meet soon, and there is much drama (mainly about me being sad at the possibility of losing my lover) which my wife (understandably) not happy about. I really love my wife and don't want to leave her or my family (we have two small girls).

The situation is very difficult right now, one thing I'm very committed to is being very open and honest with everyone concerned. I look forward to talking with the folks here about some of these issues.

Thanks for reading!

Last edited by tallOakland; 08-29-2012 at 05:04 PM.
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