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Old 08-29-2012, 02:55 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Urvile View Post
is there hope?
Are there coping skills I don't know? Am I crazy for sticking around? Or do I have my head up my ass?

What do you think?
I think a better question is,
what is the probability that this is ever going to be reconciled.

I could write a book on the topic-but... I already did. Feel free to read my blog.

I was in an open relationship prior to marriage.
I married and agreed to monogamy.
I cheated.
I got pregnant.
I aborted.
I promised no more cheating.
I cheated more-same other guy.
I got my head out of my ass.
I stopped lying to myself and EVERYONE else about ANYTHING at all.
3 years later, I haven't told a lie and have managed to build a much more functional and stable relatinoship with both my husband and my boyfriend (same guy from beginning).

So-can it happen-sure, under two very specific conditions.
1) IF the cheater (in your case both of you or all of you) is willing to TOTALLY take FULL responsibility for their actions AND change the underlying issues within themselves that make them think its ok to lie, cheat, deceive or in anyway-manipulate the truth (which includes lying by omission).

But-probability has shown that very few people are ACTUALLY willing to do that work.

2) everyone is willing to do the hard emotional work to fully forgive past transgressions and get to know the "new" version of themselves and each other without holding on to any of the animosity or angst from the past circumstances.

Again-easier said than done.

For my story-if you want it-which I will readily tell you has been HELL- feel free to drag yourself through my blog (linked in my signature).
But-be forewarned-what we've accomplished has NOT been easy and MANY PEOPLE including each of us personally would happily tell you that we don't advise it-as a rule of thumb.
It's very painful and the work-while worth the effort for us-is a lot of work for a payoff that comes in the DISTANT future.
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