View Single Post
  #2  
Old 12-10-2009, 09:57 AM
DrunkenPorcupine's Avatar
DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175
Default

Quote:
Is the polyamory community a place where one might find something deeper than a friendship that is non-sexual? For instance, two people who are both missing something in their primary relationship might form a bond that is emotionally satisfying?
I love some of my friends as I love my wife. There are some experiences I will share with my friends that I won't be able to share and relate to my wife. The friends I'm thinking of are relationships that aren't yet sexual to me. They might never be.

If you're interested in a non-sexual, yet extremely intimate relationship with someone, I see no reason you couldn't be part of a poly community.

I would say, however, that if you're joining to fill a "lack" rather than to expand, there might be an issue.

I doubt many here will shun you, but I suspect you may not find here what you "lack". Poly tends to be about exploring and learning about yourself and your lovers and finding what it is that you need. Relationships seldom work if you expect the other partner to bring everything to the table, or if you expect the other partner to.

Quote:
Sexual non-monogamy is so complicated.
I'm personally not sure it is. I think there's both a stigma and romaticism on sex, yet most people will admit that personally, sex is but a part of a relationship. In mono relationships, where the partner is the breadwinner, you often see sex lives ruined by financial issues. You see work take places with intimacy.

In poly relationships you tend to see the opposite; a break from finances determine a relationship. Bloodlines not determining children, sex not determining intimacy.

Poly relationships are different. They defy the norm, but I'm not sure they're all that amazingly more "complicated".

Quote:
The thought is: Maybe I need an EMOTIONAL 2nd partner. My husband and I have deep compatibilities but also sometimes explosive differences, and his dance card of people to deal with and relate to is too full, whereas I have a few valued friends but otherwise a more solitary lifestyle. (I'm a writer, so my days are spent at home.)
I'm a huge fan of not defining or limiting relationships. I see no reason why you couldn't love a friend as intimately as you love a spouse. Surely, the dynamic of the relationship might change for good, but love is infinite.

Quote:
The thought is: Maybe I need an EMOTIONAL 2nd partner. My husband and I have deep compatibilities but also sometimes explosive differences, and his dance card of people to deal with and relate to is too full, whereas I have a few valued friends but otherwise a more solitary lifestyle. (I'm a writer, so my days are spent at home.)
I personally think that those kind of barriers are in the mind, not the relationship. I had a male friend with whom I loved quite a bit. Before I found poly (in some ways, even before I found myself!), I found myself supressing the urge to say "I love you". Whatever norms might be supressed, I think that the feeling of safety and intimacy are there; love doesn't need to be coupled with sex.
Reply With Quote