I ended up making a chart for activities/STI's and what is or isn't required for barrier use for each of those things. As I and my husband use condoms for sex and barriers for oral sex as a baseline with other partners, my biggest concern is an increased exposure to low risk HPV. I get tested for HSV2 every 6 months, and everything else every year, so high risk HPV would be caught early, low risk...well I don't want genital warts
I just dont, but there's not a way to avoid the risk, and I accept that.
I think about this a lot as my husband has HSV2 (no visible outbreak since his exposure 20 years ago) and I don't. I haven't gotten intimate with anybody new since he actually went and got tested and came out positive, but I struggle with the "I don't have it but I might get it at any moment" conversation potential, it would be much more comfortable to have it and go from there.
I've found that if you meet people on OKC, being upfront about HSV2 in the first message or two is smart and appreciated (or include it in your profile), weeds people out (and gives people the chance to talk to their partners if discussion is needed about risks), no advice about when to bring it up if meeting in person.