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Old 08-28-2012, 07:06 AM
Urvile Urvile is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Seattle
Posts: 25

I don't see a lot of hope. More and more you just want to escape.
yes, me too. And whats worse, her attitude emotionally, seems farther and farther away from reality.

What coping skills do you know. What have you tried so far?
Learning, about myself, about people. Being compassionate. Learning new ways of standing up for myself without ultimatums. And lots and lots of letting go of the past.

What are you looking for in a relationship now that you got a taste of poly living? Think Long term ...short term? Is this relationship worth putting yourself through extensive reprograming, behavioral modification techniques, etc, etc.
What I'm looking for? Poly has most certainly redefined what I thought my needs and want are. Thats very much a bonus, out of this experience.

The way I've come to look at it, is that Poly, and mono are just ideas. Shortcut words to describe how we relate to each other. I want a real relationship, I want to be wanted, and loved. I want empathy, compassion, imagination, and humor. And I want sex.

What would it look like in your mind if things ran perfect in some poly dynamic in terms of time, attention, energy, money? Ask her the same question. See if they are remotely similar.
In theory they are very similar, in practice, not much. Ironically, I'm better prepared emotionally and financially to fit the Poly ideal than she is. And after five years of stress, there is only the slightest, acknowledgment of what
it would take to do this honestly. And emotionally, she's fixated on someone, who I've no interest in having in my life. For very rational reasons. I've on purpose not got out the laundry list of crappy and underhanded things he's done. because in the end it's not about him.
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