If you and her had never existed, knowing what you know now, would you be open to polyamory? Would you be interested in an open relationship, or a DADT situation if you were optimistic in your partner's honesty?
I agree with what Derby says about letting them support themselves, and I'll also throw in, why wait, are you happy? Is this how you want your life to be?
Really the only thing I'll throw out (in case you stay in this relationship) is that it wasn't useful for you to go the person you mention in your "first try at poly" and to email him and flip him shit about it. Lots of people will take others at their word (like you do with her) and its not his job to hunt you down and make sure she's not a liar - its nice if they do, but not something you can take for granted. She is the one you make agreements with, she is the one who owes you sticking to safe sex and other agreements you have together. She is the one to call out if you have a problem.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.