Anneintherain, thanks so much for relating your experience.
We had a therapist, but didn't feel she helped us progress. It was only two sessions, but we can't afford more, so will likely cancel our third one in favor of finding our own separate ones. She genuinely wants to work on the self-esteem issues that make her feel pressure to sleep with people quickly. A lot of it was her trying to please a girl the way she always would. This being her only long-term relationship, she reverted to single ways, and those ways usually required a lot of uhm... story-telling.
Having been raised by a cheater, though, (my dad; lots of therapy around that already), I know a lie when I see one. And it's a serious trigger.
I'll need therapy for sure, but I'd be going back to continue my work. She's never been, and I think yeah, it would help a ton, for her to have another person to talk to about stuff.
I just hope she doesn't tell her shrink the same "stories," or new ones. She has a really hard time talking about her feelings to anyone else but me, and talking to me, well... will only get her so far on this one. She's needed it for a long time, and she's willing. We just haven't found our doctors yet as we are in a new city, blah blah blah...
Would it be fair if I told her another strike (this last one was strike two) and we will cease to be primaries? Or are ultimatums not a healthy thing? I get the impression the severity of her behavior didn't occur to her until it was too late. And I know nothing I say or do will ensure 100% that she won't pull this again. But I have faith that she's sorry. I just know I won't be able to handle another lie. And I need to find a way to make that as clear to her as it needs to be so she will understand the decision she is making the next time she's faced with a choice like that. WITHOUT me being a witch about it. You know?