Me & primary = close to 20 years
Me & secondary = almost a year
Because on my side, much of the preliminary rush of NRE is fading and I'm more & more comfortable with my second, want to spend more time together doing regular things (we have weekended together & done overnights outta town, very nice to walk openly together)
Because I don't like lies/cover-up. If I felt me & second was only physical, I wouldn't be trying to break this wall, but feels much more than just physical, I would really like to have him in my life long term, years, and I can't see myself covering things up gat long... I probably could, especially if my primary purposefully turns a blind eye, but I'm hiding part of me fom he who supposedly loves me the most and that just doesn't feel right
Because when DADT was offered (and it was offered twice), we spoke of "what ifs" and my falling in love with someone else was discussed. Well, it happened, I'm there, but I don't want to go the mono way (for lack of a better term), I'm not looking to rip & replace (actually have a 2 year no contact rule in place with second, should my life change, I've defend myself for so long as part of this couple, will need to relearn about me should/when my primary ends)
No, the don't know each other
But as people, they do share similar interests
In an ideal world, I'd have two husbands (this I've dreamed & openly spoken of for years & years)
Though in learning more of poly, an in-line family would work as well (a communal corporate entity kinda)
I identify as poly...... But never knew the term till recently....
Previously, I had a seven year open relationship and I was quite comfortable in that setting. He & I were primary, I dated, he dated, we dated, mix & match of a wide range of scenarios, each of us enjoying/experimenting where/how we chose, we had signals, open conversations.... Heck, I even bought him a real redhead for his birthday one year (collar & cuffs to match). I enjoyed myself and enjoyed knowing he was having his fun too. We spoke of having a triad (didn't know the term back then), he had no interest in long-term with others in that kind or arrangement (as in actually living together) yet we each had other relationships while we were primary, and we'd openly discuss the..... And though that was my longest open relationship, it wasn't the first....
So ya, the more I read/learn, the more poly fits my insides