Wow - thank you all so much
Snowmelt - I think I just used entanglement purely because it's a pretty word (heh) but now I think about it more, it's also because it happened so unexpectedly and quickly that it does all feel a bit messy for everyone, so I've tried to visualise "untangling" the different thoughts and emotions in my head, as well as his and this new girl's.
Wolfwood - you're bang on, actually. He has been as honest and open as he can be, I don't know why (or how) I blocked out the idea so successfully. I actually invited the new girl (don't know the right terminology?!) round in a couple of weeks' time for drinks. Our first two meetings (with DH) haven't been that successful - mostly stemming from one or other of us having a sense of not being able to get the support we need when it's asked for. She's suggested quite rightly that before she can say yes, we need to meet separately (i.e. without DH) somewhere neutral, which is of course the right thing to do. I'm quite scared, but I'm a reasonable person really... I've just been so shocked at how out of control my emotions have been in recent weeks over this stuff. Hopefully meeting up with her will help with that. I get the impression neither of us are particularly girlie so I don't imagine there'll be any shoe shopping!
GalaGirl - thank you also... I think you've summed things up really well
In fact, re: the interactions thing we've done *exactly* what you suggested and talked it out. I see it as "every spare moment", but DH has reminded me that he and I talk all the time
, which is true. Probably just good old fashioned insecurity and jealousy on my part. We have talked about the fact that I feel their regular contact impinges on our time together, so we're working on that (again, more honest and adjustment on both sides). In terms of mind v body - we got married recently, have pooled our financial resources and written wills, etc. I have a quite serious long term illness, so it was always important for us to work that stuff out. In that sense, we're very much committed for life, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Clyde, thank you for your story. It's interesting actually, my DH really does connect sex and deep feelings/love very much, whereas I've often separated them quite a bit in the past. He's a fantastic man and it doesn't surprise me at all that someone else has fallen for him, really! I hope and believe we will find a way through it all - I truly can't imagine my life without him in it.
DH and I went away together this weekend, and after much heartfelt talk I think I understand better how hard this has been for DH as well... not being able to share his joy because I'm too upset or angry, and actually feel quite bad about it, but know I have had my own stuff to deal with! I really want to be able to share that joy (and potentially share my own at a later stage?), so I will use that as my goal point as I try to overcome the petulant part of my soul which wants him all to myself.
I shall report back when she and I have met up, and the three of us have met up again. DH is going on holiday with her next weekend, that will be an interesting time for me.