View Single Post
Old 12-10-2009, 04:54 AM
jenae jenae is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4

My spouse (husband) is older and has many years experience with "omnigamy" as he calls it. He gave it up (under pressure from an unhappy partner) one partner before me. (That is, during a previous relationship, before we met.) Then we tried with me having a lover, but that was a disaster.

Here's my question: Sexual non-monogamy is so complicated. And in fact I don't find myself right now wanting that. But I have thought of something often enough recently that I just semi-jokingly revealed the thought in couple's therapy. The thought is: Maybe I need an EMOTIONAL 2nd partner. My husband and I have deep compatibilities but also sometimes explosive differences, and his dance card of people to deal with and relate to is too full, whereas I have a few valued friends but otherwise a more solitary, I guess you could even say slightly reclusive routine.

Bottom line is that I crave deep discussion and connectedness more than he does. Maybe this is just his nature and my nature. I sometimes think meeting someone for coffee or even just a correspondence with someone in a similar boat might help meet my needs. I suppose I could try to fill the need with more friends, but my feeling at the moment is that the deeper nature of relationship relating is more compelling. (I tend to "rescue" my friends with extreme, non-confrontational politeness, and feel safer and freer to be honest with my romantic partners.)

I saw that Clove (did I get that right?) was questioning whether there can be non-sexual expressions of polyamory, and that drew me in as a place to start as I check out this site for the first time.

Now my oh-so demanding cat is purring and stepping on my lap, so I'll sign off.

Best wishes to all.

P.S. Though I have been heterosexual in my history, and more readily imagine a second partner as male, I could also imagine a woman in that role, especially as what i'm contemplating is an intimate but not necessarily sexual relationship.
Reply With Quote