Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
"Is this what others expect from secondary relationships, to have growing intimacy, emotionally and physically, without growing emotions?"
No. Frankly, I think he's being willfully obtuse, or else just very dense. This has happened over and over, and yet he insists he's being the sensible one? No. Emotions happen, and they're normal, natural, and healthy.
... What is he afraid of?
Thank you for your answer. Having no prior experience with open marriages or polyamory, I'm not always sure if things are really viewed that differently.
I think he's afraid of the depth of his own emotions.
He's afraid of losing me. I think he knows I'm right, because he's already seen it happen with former girlfriends who had no prior experience with polyamory, when they become too emotionally invested, could no longer deal with him being married, and they end up breaking up with him.
He's been pretty upfront in saying this time it matters a great deal more to him.
I think he spoke in agitation and fear, saying things he wouldn't have necessarily said in calmer moments.