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Old 08-26-2012, 08:07 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cuninglingwist View Post
Hear is something to ask yourselves,
why do 50% of marriages and relationships in vanilla, gay and lesbian fail even more in polyamora?
Do you have *any* facts to back up this premise?

I'm not even quite sure what you are saying - that more relationships fail in poly or not? How do you define "fail"?

So I am struggling with your premise, which is probably one reason why I am struggling with the rest of this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cuninglingwist View Post
what is the most important question in counceling before getting hitched that councelers never ask or is over looked even in divorce counceling.
its not jobs or money, sex, you like/love each other (most couples still believe sex is love) Answer; Its the social dynamics of the couple or the poly group.
I'm not sure what your personal experiences with counselors has been, but talking about and identifying that dynamic has been a key part in any counselling that I have been in. It's rarely ever a blanket statement, either - in a balanced couple or triad (or V), different members of the relationship are dominant for different aspects of it. Aspects in include the bread-winning, keeping the financial books, making decisions about family and travel, children. Lots of examples.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cuninglingwist View Post
however the sub position will have equal say and respect as the dominant but he the male will have the responcibillity for the familly,
That may be your dynamic, but it's not mine. I know of quite a few others where the male if definitely not the dominant in terms of responsibility for the family.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cuninglingwist View Post
with polyamory where a third is added, that third shall be sub to the wife or first female where she must be naturaly enthusiastic and want to be second to the wife where she can enjoy both, this aply's to a second male also.
Why cannot this person also take over some aspect of leadership, where it makes sense? I know a few examples of triads with multiple primaries where the duties and leadership are divided between the three parties, according to their skills.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cuninglingwist View Post
hose that disagree that feel they should have access to the male at all times are usually in a chaotic relationship, should find their own male and have her own willing female sub, a willing female sub should be cherished and serviced by both, never to feel left out but a dynamic part of their loving relationship including sitting in on financial matters or planning social events, not feel put in a closit and let out to service the couple. unless this is what she craves as a happy masochist.
While I may agree on some of this, the idea that a female that doesn't get what she needs should simply go out and look for another male is pretty derogatory to the female - why shouldn't she feel like bringing it up to the couple and expecting to have her needs respected and met, if it works? I don't agree that the secondary has to take whatever scraps the primary couple hands to them.

If this is the form of polyamory that works for you, then I really am not going to criticise it - what I am having a problem with is the way you stated this as if it is some sort of global truth about polyamorous relationships.
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