Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 08-26-2012, 04:58 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
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I'm full of conflicting emotions. I'm really not used to this!

H came home for the weekend and things are absolutely perfect between us. I don't think we've ever been this deeply in love and appreciative of each other. We had some amazing connected sex as well that was very intense. Even though he is leaving again this afternoon, I feel good.

On the other hand, I am just feeling so low about L. We've had much less communication than usual since he was on a work trip, and he's only home for a few days before he is leaving to go on a hiking trip where he will be virtually unreachable for a week because of no cell signal. Between that and still having no firm date on the calendar when we will see each other again, I am hurting.

The little devil on my shoulder starts telling me things that I know aren't true, like that he obviously doesn't care about me or that I am just not important to him. I know I am; he makes it very clear by the things that he does and says, that I matter, and that he loves me. But when I'm feeling sad, it's really hard to brush those negative thoughts away.

I am hurting. We're heading into the 7th week without seeing each other and I had thought it would be early September but now it's looking like it will be mid to late September. I know it's only a couple more weeks but at this point it just feels crushing.

I'm wondering if I am really cut out for a LDR. I always swore I'd never do it, actually, but that's because I knew I could not handle a monogamous LDR. I need physical contact. I didn't go looking at him for a partner... this was just supposed to be sex, until we fell in love. The amount of communication we have is so intense that it really helps me feel connected with him, but it's been getting harder and harder as the weeks slip by especially since this week and next week are comparatively low communication.

I can feel myself emotionally pulling back right now, because I'm sad and hurting. It is very painful for me to have expressed my love for a man and it's been weeks and we still can't be in each other's arms. Love is not a word I use casually; I've said it to three men in my whole life, and once was when I was a teenager :P

He knows I miss him badly, but I don't really want to tell him how much I am hurting because I know there really is nothing he can do about it. It's not like he is choosing not to see me- for various reasons, he really can't. So all I would be doing is making him feel bad, too.

I am reading the LDR tags but I could use some thoughts and advice if anyone has any to share. Oh, and to whomever left the two star rating on my thread: gee, thanks. Exactly the kind of feedback I needed to hear :P

Last edited by Vicki82; 08-26-2012 at 08:17 PM.
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