Thread: Rowan's story
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Old 08-25-2012, 10:05 PM
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Rowan Rowan is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 20

Hi all, sorry it's been so long. Been a tad bit crazy in my life. Some good, some bad; overall ... just life.

My husband feels like this will not work. He's mentioned twice now that he wants to close our marriage and just be with each other. This isn't healthy because my husband will not get himself any type of friend.

He's tried so hard to make friends. He's very shy and when he finally does put himself out there, they either make it very clear that as long as he pays, they'll hang out with him. He's gotten burned by a few and that has made him really reluctant to even try to meet new folks.

My situation is simple. I've taken this time to really figure out what I want. Yes, I do find other men attractive and at times I've wanted more than friendship, but for me I'm going to stay mono for now. I'm not ruling out my poly side, but frankly there just isn't a man out there that I care about more than my husband and I refuse to settle for less. I'm ok with his need to find a friend and he's proven to me that he's dedicated to making our marriage work before any friendship he may have.

However, his inability to find any woman that will be his friend has made him want to close this down and I can't allow that. If we close the marriage I will probably never want to open it again; and I know his wants aren't this fleeting. So, we've decided to "take a break".

This last "betrayal" if you will was the worst. She and he used to work together years ago, before he and I met. They had lost touch just before we got married and he found her a couple of months ago. They used to have a good friendship. Shortly after they renewed their friendship (no sex, just friends) she was fired from her job. She stated she was going to take the opportunity to go back to school, get a degree and a career. She borrowed some money from him while she was waiting on her unemployment (single parents are always my soft spot). No biggie and we didn't demand that she pay it back before she was able. However, right after she borrowed the money she became too busy to even respond to a text for about two weeks. When he was able to talk to her, her Mom had turned really sick and eventually passed away. Then she started asking him to meet her at the bar. He did once, but quickly found out it was just to pay the babysitter and the bar tab. So, she texted him about a week ago, needing money.

Lesson learned, even "old" friends can burn you. The sad part about all of this is that my husband seriously is hurt by this. He feels rejected, and honestly doesn't want to stick his toe out the door anymore.

I love him, but even I know the value of friends in our lives. They keep us laughing when times get too serious.

Amazingly, I love him more today than I did when we met and I can't picture my life without him.

(sorry for the ramble - needed to get this off my chest)
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