Thread: being a secret
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Old 08-25-2012, 01:29 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by Jaynine View Post
has anyone got any suggestions on how i cope with the lonely feelings i get from being part of a 3 way relationship where i have to mainly remain a secret in public and in front of the kids, in fact alot of the time. i tell myself it doesnt matter, that what i get out of this relationship is way more important than public affection/recognition, but at times i struggle like now. please help
The fact that you are struggling means that it obviously *does* matter to you, and that shouldn't be just brushed aside.

Do you feel that it needs to remain a secret for good, practical reasons? Or do you feel that it's pretty arbitrary?

One of the annoyances for me about polyamory is that it is looked down upon by so much of society - people aren't able to be "out" because they fear losing their jobs, or children, or something to do with family. I wish it could be different.

Putting all that aside, when it comes to practicalities, the challenges you face are close to those of a single person - what do they do to not be lonely?

Check this out:

Any of this sound familiar to you? Are you by nature an introvert or an extrovert? Because the needs of each are quite different.

Can you talk a little more about what specifically you feel lonely about? Is it that you can't do some social activities that you would normally like to do with your partner? Is it more the "cuddling on the couch" type of thing?

If you can't have the companionship that you feel you need in the framework of your relationship, then you need to try to supplement it with other things in your life. In other words you need to have a life outside of your secondary relationship. This may be with other loving relationships, or it may be with friends and/or family. If you have time to spare, maybe volunteer at a local not-for-profit - a great way to meet people, even if it's to make some new friends.

Maybe some of this will resonate for you, maybe it won't - hope some of this is useful...

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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