I've never been totally satisfied being mono. I guess I'm just wired to be poly. To my immense satisfaction, my fiance agrees with the philosophy behind being poly, and is happy with our decision, and has yet to be jealous. We're polywogs, though not poly virgins.
I have a friend (“S”) whose relationship with me has always been more flirty and affectionate than most would consider normal. I love him like I love my other closest friends. When my fiance and I made the decision to be poly, I shared this with him and he was happy for us and supportive.
The situation with S is complicated. My friendship with him is long distance, and also constrained by a pretty drastic age difference, and by a lack of time to give to each other because of school and work. We talk about anything and everything, he challenges me intellectually, and I'm happy being his friend. I adore him, and he has expressed the desire to be more intimate with me (quite explicitly). This could be a really great thing, provided that my fiance approves of our relationship, which will just require them meeting and getting along, and I'm not concerned about that hardly at all.
I've never met S in person. We met online and talk pretty much all day, every day via email and text messages. I feel like I know him better than I know some people who I consider close friends, and I've grown to love him.
The major problem, though, is that S is married. He is wired poly, but his wife doesn't like the idea and has told him a couple times that it isn't something that she will ever try with him. He isn't generally unhappy in his marriage, but he feels like he's missing something there; something that he's found with me.
He wants to come visit me to finally meet me and spend some time with both me and my fiance, and has also offered to fly me down to visit him, later on. I'm concerned that he'd have to lie to his wife, and that makes me nervous. I want to find a way to make it work, but I don't see any way around him lying.
We both will probably have to make concessions, and I just wish there was an easy solution, but then it wouldn't be worth the effort, right?
I guess I'll just have to be patient (something I'm not particularly good at) and wait and see what happens. Sigh.
Don't try to tell me who you are; tell me who you love.
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.
-- Jennifer Edwards