It will be very difficult... I am pushing for us to work on things, for Glitter to pick up and follow through on her tasks. ie once case we were about to give up one of our dogs we've only had for about a month since he's not trained in anything including housebroken and Glitter always forgets to work with him. So tonight we talked about it she agreed it's ok if I kick her ass reminding her she NEEDS to work with him. On my end I'll have to take our other dog out for a walk or in the yard to play so she can train the other.
As for the poly situation, I wish things could be slowed down NOT close the door on as she panics but just work on us FIRST at least for a while as it may be unneeded worrying but I do worry things may just revert to the problems we have been feeling now but all over again.
Last night was the first time as my name goes I STORMED off, I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with her, while I would never hit her I just felt stay away from me you #&@!$ first time I seriously considered is it over?! How can I prepare for the break-up so I'm not homeless on the street. Find friends or someone else for support, maybe a relationship. Hell maybe if I was someones slave 24/7 the mind just tossing out any options which may be possible. I used to be depressed and yes had thoughts of that which we should never mention, lol. Now sine Poly opened up it's more anger and the thoughts it's not like we're "stuck together" anymore. If she can't suck it up help me, help us, help the relationship while it is difficult there may be other options out there.
I've finally came out and told her each time we're fighting and she yells "grow a set of fucking balls" I'm no longer the depressed "nice guy" feeling worthless, I have bloody options now. She opened up that Poly door and never wants to close it so yes when I'm PISSED at home ofc I'm thinking man it would be so great having a woman who actually wants a relationship and is willing to make it work, to feel happy with. everytime we fight and she tells me this she just doesn't know what she is encouraging.
She keeps saying I need to balls up and contact more women that's the only way I can find someone. I guess when we fight now I'm more and more thinking it's just natural, if we are unstable, if I feel like shit at home with her... common sense is I'd rather be with another woman, anyone that makes me feel better than our issues which are never getting dealt with.
We do have plans to work on things, schedules, counseling, maybe up my meds, change hers... I just really fukin hope we can BOTH follow through on all this to help us stay together!