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Old 08-25-2012, 01:15 AM
MzWiz MzWiz is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 22
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Oh MoonGlow.... Hugs to you....
Hugs to all of actually

Yes, I do think it's a deeper difference between us, it's not sex
The lack of physical intimacy is symptom of something else
While he has agreed, again, to get his testosterone evils checked, it's been a week and he's made no steps to see a medical Dr (though he did research a new holistic treatment, to me; this is half measures as we don't know yet if this is the cause)
So I get the verbal....
And no.... well, yes, I do hold back tears....
Mostly because at that point I'm so frustrated, they pour, making it hard to speak (ya, I know that may sound dramatics/pitiful but it's not, when you love deeply, you hurt deeply, life's like that sometimes)

He hugged me this week, a hug from him, his own initiative....
First hug in quite a while....
Our last conversations shook him, he's making nice
But is he, or is it sincere... does it stem from love or fear....?
And how worthy do I feel having to even question this.....?

He tries... I try.... There is tons & tons of love, compatibility, even shared laughter.... We are "well" together, a family....
But not romantic/physical
I need this.... He seemingly doesn't....
Neither of us wants to hurt the other or see them in pain

The DADT, we both knew, held great potential for disruption
Even now, he knows, I'd welcome another (male or female (though preferably ale)) into our relationship....
Yes, we've spoken of this many times over the years
He has no interest what so ever in "adventure" of this nature
Not even porn
We've even discussed "asexuality" (he feels not applicable), latent homosexuality (if I mention that again, he'll blow up; which, of course raises flags in my psyche), and yes; age (sorry, but I'm not buying that one, hormone issues; ok, maybe, but no sex simply because you're getting older, nope, old-old people want to too, my mom's basically twice my age and gets more than me)

Time....
Time & sharing....
For me, this fixes most things
Give it time, patiently explain, over & over again....
And share with those who may/can help you along your path
My question to myself is; how much time....?

Love, four little letters.... such a big friggen mess..... :-)
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