Thread: New to Poly
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Old 08-24-2012, 06:15 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,967

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear the news. You need time to heal from your break up with this woman. *hug*

There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous -- it's just a flag feeling letting your know something isn't quite QUITE. It says "Look here and examine this thing!" And in this case?

She wasn't being totally honest about her wants, needs, and limits. Because she was not honest with HERSELF first (I really just want a husband in a monogamous situation) and she wasn't honest with YOU guys. Maybe you guys were not totally honest to yourselves either -- it's easy to get excited about finally finding a triad person and you overlook early clues.

So it was polyship trying to fly on weak wings.

I know that isn't easy to take or feel, but a broken heart still keeps on beating.

This is opportunity for you and DH to CLOSE to make repairs on your tier of the polymath, and to review how you want to be treated by your Spice in future should you Open again. How everyone will agree to be so they stay in right relationship to each other, deal with conflict resolution, etc. while flying the polyship adventure.

Don't be in a hurry to jump into bed. Get the other buckets in sync first. Mind and heart -- to see if you truly are matching up as a team and this truly seems like a runner. Then bring on the Body and Soul into play. Spend more time just dating and enjoying it rather than rushing forward to long term commitment.

Know your OWN limits -- and if you have discovered some new ones from this experience, process that and articulate it to your husband. Maybe you want to wait longer before going lover-ly. Maybe you want to spend more time talking in heart-to-heart conversation and sharing of minds. Maybe you don't want a triad configuration and would find another open relationship model easier to fly?

Review resources like and

Esp the polymath and jealousy management.

Do your self care for YOU, and care for each other also. Breaking up stinks. But it isn't the end of the world. Hang in there.

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