Adam felt my desire to be poly again was all about him being a failure at the sex stuff and was too focused on that negative to say OK to it. He still had a profile on polymatchmaker (looking for friends), and somebody had written to him (this was almost two years ago now) and was interested in meeting and talking. Before he left to meet her for coffee, I made him promise to not respond to what I said (as he’s good a naysaying stuff) , and I told him “Feel free to flirt if you feel like it.” He came home invigorated, interested, and had flirted and had a great time, finally remembering that he’s an extroverted person who loves meeting new people and making new flirty or romantic connections.
Was I pissed! Yes, I was a bit pissed, those few years of pushing to be open again had taken a toll on me in a lot of the typical ways – overeating to avoid desiring intimacy, loss of self esteem because I didn’t feel desired, depression because I felt stuck in an untenable situation, eventually a lowered libido (kinda) from my preferred state of always in the mood . Nevertheless, he was finally open to it, and I was glad that he was the one who finally opened the door.
I had my first date when the husband of the woman he’d gone out with asked me out (his first ever date ever after 15 years of monogamy, though his wife had been having FWB and NSA sex for a couple years). It didn’t work out but I think I’m a good learning date!
I chatted with a few people over the next few months, and met a couple people for coffee. The second person I met for coffee was Brian. Suffice to say though it wasn't quite an Adam situation, I was surprised we kept seeing each other (I had planned on dating people who clicked as close chatty friends with me), and then suddenly it was something important to me, so 18 months later we are still together. (I do feel a bit of angst that both Adam and Brian were second actual dates when first opening relationships, especially when I read all the fun new dating stories people post on here, though I never feel badly when I read about tales of sucky dates!)
Adam’s was struggling with trying to figure out if he wanted to have sex with his girlfriend or not, when she got diagnosed with a high risk strain of HPV. Her doctor was very scary making, warning about the risks of throat/tongue cancer from kissing and performing oral sex, penile cancer from receiving oral sex and sex, etc, which made us really firm up our safe sex agreements down to the specifics. Her husband had gone on a second date too, and had fallen hard and fast into NRE with the chick, enough so that she decided for a time at least to become monogamous again to sort out their stuff.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 08-24-2012 at 08:16 PM.