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Old 08-24-2012, 04:17 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,357


It's fine to be young. Just be slow and cautious. You don't need to attract predators who want to "train" you or like that you are "almost jail bait" -- most poly people are truly kind and ethical but... the nature of the thing attracts some people who are less than ethical. So be cautious ok?

If you really seek deep emotional intimacy with partner(s) -- spend time sorting YOU out first. We all come with baggage. Always. What kind of baggage do you carry? What can be let go of or does not serve you well? How much baggage in your partner(s) can you realistically deal with? Sometimes it is easier just NOT to agree to go there if the load is all kinds of crazy.

You don't get to choose how you feel. It just happens. You can fall in love with whoever. You DO get to choose how you behave in response -- REACT or ACT WITH INTENT. I may fall in love with a serial killer but you know what? I'm gonna choose to stay the hell away from them! (I exaggerate on purpose, but you know what I mean. Some people are better loved from a far distance because they can hurt you in your buckets badly, and then YOU are not being loved. Relationship is two ways, not one sided.)

How do you tend your OWN buckets of mind, body, heart, and soul? Are you as fit as you could be in all your health buckets? Can you offer a new partner the best you that you can be? If you are hurting from your recent break up in mental health, emotional health, physical health, or spiritual health -- take time to heal first and plump those back up. Do not Open Up to a new love just yet.

When you are good in all your buckets? THEN Open Up to the possibility of a New Love or Loves.

Organize your thoughts and feelings so you know what you want and are seeking next. Reality test that to make sure your expectations, wants, needs, and limits are realistic and not crazy ideals. Keep it real.

Think about how to be in "right relationship" to your Future Loves, and how you want them to behave toward you so that they are in right relationship to YOU. You deserve love, respect, dignity because you have worth and value. My own is pretty darn clear -- and I guess I'm getting a reputation around here (lovefromgirl - ha! " )for yammering on and on about wanting to be with Jedi Players only and not wanting to deal in some Muppet show.

I have a kid who is into both and I love both. But in real life I really do not want crazymaking drama from people who can't behave honestly, ethically, and like.... grown ups! So far all my own relationships have been sweetness and light. I think because I've been super picky. Be picky!

When you Open to more than one, you help to tend your OWN buckets, your partner(s) buckets. That's 4, 8, 12, 16... a LOT of buckets and a lot of polymath tiers. Don't take on more than you can hack -- not fair to you or your partner(s).

So learn more about poly in general and spend some time learning about yourself. That will help your dating life stay more on the Jedi path and less on the backstage Mupper Chaos freak show. Muppets are fun to watch on TV, but healthy people do not want to LIVE there in chronic chaos.

Figure out your model and figure out your strong communication skills FIRST. Read this and THINK. Her conclusion advice is excellent:

For you to be happy in open relationships of any kind, you must first know what you want and which model will be most likely to work for you. Secondly, you must be able to articulately communicate what you want to potential partners in an honest and clear way. And last, but certainly not least, it is crucial to pick partners who want the same type of relationship and are comfortable with your chosen model. Excellent interpersonal and communications skills go a long way towards achieving these goals, along with a willingness to negotiate to satisfy everyone's needs. Following these steps will maximize your chances of developing satisfying and successful open relationships.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-24-2012 at 04:22 AM.
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