Originally Posted by cherrygirl
The problem isn't that I don't understand what poly is. The problem is that even though I knew he was poly, he told me he would be mono for me. That's how much he said he wanted to be with me. Now, he's changed his mind. He tells me he doesn't understand why I have such a problem with it when I've experienced it for myself. I've tried telling him why till I'm blue in the face, that it has nothing to do with poly itself, it has to do with the fact that I'm mono and I don't understand why one person can't be enough.
I am in a wonderful poly relationship and although I know what polyamory is, I don't think I will ever understand or fully accept the sexual aspect of it. The fact your partner changed his mind bothers me a little. I just hope he didn't try to make you so secure in a monogamous way only so he could re-introduce the idea of polyamory.
I go to monthly poly meetings as the only identified monogamous person there. I can tell you this; they find it as hard to understand a monogamous mindset as we find it to understand a polyamorous one. There are also others that will claim your nature is purely social conditioning and that everyone has the potential to be polyamorous.
I love Redpepper intimately and have love for her husband and son as well but, I would never deny that there is a constant struggle within myself to find a way to better handle the sexual possibilities that a polyamorous nature injects. I view sexual intimacy very differently than Redpepper in a lot of cases but am working on seeing it from her perspective.
As far as why one person can't be enough - I ask myself this question as well but more specifically towards sexual intimacy..not deep friendships. I have no answer but without polyamory I would not have Redpepper so I don't even go there LOL!!
Stay true to yourself and certainly don't allow yourself to get dragged along down a path that will hurt you constantly. Do what you need to be happy as he will do for himself.