Welcome.
I was in a similar situation (not exactly, but sexual incompatibility was/is a big part of it) and have been in very much the same position as you - up to and including the part where I felt I had to figure it out for myself before I approached my husband. I probably did more of the figuring out part before he and I talked about it - and I"m not sure if it would have been better if I'd waited longer, or taken the plunge earlier.
Anyway, just wanted to say that your situation isn't unique and many of us have been there already.