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Old 08-23-2012, 08:51 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 254

Originally Posted by Caesar View Post
If you fall too deep, do you think you will still be able to look at your BF the same and have the same emotions for him as before?
It's difficult for me to articulate, but the energy with Fly and with Moonlight is so different, and so complementary. They can't replace each other, and they don't diminish each other.

It's funny, but in the beginning, I thought polyamory was about filling the gaps. I had a laundry list of stuff that Fly isn't, that I thought I could get with someone else. "I'm going to find someone more romantic, who enjoys theater and ballet, who likes road trips, who will tell me they love me more often, who will enjoy going to family gatherings with me...blah blah blah." What I've discovered is that it's not like that at all. Moonlight and Fly are completely different and separate people, and our relationships with each other stand alone. There are qualities about each that are unique, and qualities that they have in common. I'm not using one to plug the other's holes. It was hard to understand that until I started living it, and then it was a bit of an epiphany.

What Fly and I have together didn't happen by accident. There are a lot of tears, angry words, apologies, negotiations, love, compromises, and acts of generosity in the foundation of our relationship. Commitment is a cornerstone, and even though we know we might not be together forever, we're both invested in each other and our life together. If we hadn't put in the work we did (and continue to do every day), we wouldn't be able to offer other people a place in our lives.

This thing with Moonlight is so very new, and overwhelming and the NRE is flowing. I have dreams of her becoming a co-primary; perhaps not live-in, but in an emotional/time sense. But I know that I need to bring all that starry-eyed stuff down a level, because we've been dating such a short time. I don't know how Fly would deal with that scenario, because raising a kid means we've made certain commitments (like having dinner together every weeknight) that are non-negotiable and place limits on my availability. Juggling a co-primary who doesn't live particularly close (Moonlight's about 30-40 minutes away) would be tricky and require a lot of communication among the three of us. I do know that it's important to him that I'm happy, and his patience and kindness are some of the things I love about him.

In fact, having the freedom and support to love other people increases my love for him. I marvel at the way my life has turned out, and am grateful to the universe for placing incredible people like Fly, Punk, and Moonlight in my path.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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