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Old 08-23-2012, 06:42 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
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What GalaGirl said!!!

Basically, you three need to sit down and have a SERIOUS family meeting. I've always thought the expenses should be split based on a percentage based on income. If there is a partner who doesn't work, they don't pay the expenses, but they DO make up the difference with housework, errands and other stuff.

How long has he been out of work? I noticed similar behavior when my husband got laid off. At first, nothing around the house was getting done, in fact I'd come home to a bigger mess. But after a month or so, he got out of his lazy "it's time to have some fun" mindset and housework began to get done, dinners were cooked, etc. Depression may also be a factor as it's not unusual in men who are struggling to find a job. However, as resentments are starting to build, this MUST be addressed in a family meeting.

I know from experience, little comments, whining and complaining don't work, but a straight forward meeting might. Sometimes with my husband, I have to call it a "Board Meeting" or a "Partner's meeting", because it will get him out of the mindset of "his vs her" jobs (he does this sub-consciously and will deny it if asked , but actions...) and he doesn't feel like I'm attacking him and just trying to get him to do more stuff I don't want to do. Make a list of daily, weekly, monthly chores that need to be done, same with expenses, etc. Then the 3 of you decide how, when and by whom each item should be handled.

I used to nag the husband to do the yard maintenance (mowing, tree trimming, etc), but instead he would just sit on the computer all day. So we would end up in a fight about it as it got neglected for months. He would say he would just hire someone, but we didn't even have enough money for the electric bill that month, so the fight would continue. After YEARS of this, he finally blurted out that he gets a migraine every time he does ANYTHING in the yard. I'm standing there, mouth open "WTF..." Anyway, now, I make a list of other stuff, like laundry, dishes, clean out the garage and he actually gets it done, even if I'm not crazy about HOW he does it, it get's done and I do most of the yard stuff.
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