I am sorry you are enduring shenanigans like this. Don't endure then too long though -- make changes for the better and hold him accountable. He fails to hold up his end? Point where the hard limits are.
In my universe,
I put it at 3 strikes you are out if the same darn issue keeps popping up with no real effort to change for the better.
I'm currently the SAHM. DH is the WOHD. There's several accounts in our life but I won't go into the details of how we save.
I am comfortable as a SAHM because there is ONE savings acct in my name only.
If he goes bananas and becomes a turd to me I can walk away freely. Kiss my GRITS! He agrees and sees the point, because his career skills are sharpened and mine grow dull even though work as SAHM is emotionally, mentally and spiritually rewarding. It's just not esp valued outside our home.
And I need this even if he is turd free but gets run over by a bus. I will need money to rebuild my life and kid's that can liquidate easy. And I'd have to bury him. And I'd be grieving! So make it easy on me, dude!
I hope you all have a small nest egg in YOUR OWN NAME ONLY! Consider this!
DH's income goes automatically in the MAIN HOUSE joint checking acct. I am the house manager. From there I parcel it out across savings. I also "feed" the FLEX HOUSE checking acct -- groceries, haircuts for the fam, dentist, etc. Things I could adjust down and tighten or reschedule if we have to tweak to stay on track for budget.
Autopayments come out of the MAIN acct because it is regular, fixed amounts for these bills. Car, house, etc. NOBODY touches main other than to feed it or to manage auto set ups. We discuss any changes before they happen.
We each have our own baby "allowance" accounts. They are tiny, but they save fights. Your fun money. No questions asked if it comes out of your own play money. He fritters his on music and hobby things.
I fritter mine on books and my volunteer work needs. Sometimes we go out on dates -- he treats or I do or we go halfsies. I easily hoard up to get to buy big stuff over the months and years. He struggles to make it to the next payday in his fun bucket. But it keeps his bad spending/budget habits to HIM and not be infecting ME or OUR house accounts that affect ME. He goes broke HE sucks it up. Not me, not US.
I strongly suggest you consider something like that. Depending on where you live, the LEGAL WIFE could be screwed if he runs it up. She's be responsible for half the bill even if the runs away from home!
I like http://www.lets-clean-up.com/
Cheap, and effective. Can also name the person to the chore. Print it up, slap on fridge, check off. Or don't print and check off on the house computer.
There. No fights if you all set up and agree and can hold accountable. It is what it is. Point to the hard limit. How many times things slack off before they get kicked out of this polyship for not pulling their weight?
It does not have to be equal like 10 chores each. It has to be FAIR.
He puts you in danger of a mauling to show off? EW!
Tell him he can't introduce you at all except by name. "This is Jane" and "This is Sally."
You two will introduce the rest when and where YOU see fit. "Hi! I'm the wife" or "Hi! I'm the GF."
You need one, if he's also shirking time spent with you two. Get it on there. He's so shirky sounding in the other areas.
Honestly, I do not know what you see in this man if he's THIS irresponsible about money and how he treats you.
SOOOOO lacking in respect.
Maybe you and the wife would be better off as a couple! Ugh.
Again, I'm sorry you endure shenanigans. I hope they stop soon one way or another! Even if it means invoking the hard limit of walking away from this.