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Old 08-23-2012, 02:36 PM
illflyaway illflyaway is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6

I had my last babies over two years ago, but we've had a string of miscarriages in the meantime. I think my partner wants to parent. He talks about wanting to try again and even about having a big family. On the other hand, he easily gets frustrated by them and very rarely takes care of the kids by himself when they are awake.

My husband definitely has deep, deep issues with women that go far beyond the gripes I have in our marriage, but I still want to reconcile.

He says he doesn't want a woman counselor because he worries we would gang up on him and that a man would be better able to see his side. I did look into GLBT-friendly counselors and found a man who has experience with open relationships. I made an appointment for next week, but the counselor will only take new clients who will take evening appointments, which makes my husband resistant. I don't know if he'll go, but I figure even if he backs out, I will go.

I am working on trying to schedule activities outside of the house. My partner resists. He tells me he feels too tired on nights he stays home to take care of the kids. Because I normally put the kids to bed, it takes him a whole lot longer than it would take me, and I feel bad about asking him to do something that takes him hours when it takes me less than 45 minutes. I know eventually they'd find a rhythm, but he always struggled more with parenting than me.

I've had a pretty extensive health check-ups within the last year due to the pregnancy losses. My health isn't perfect. In terms of our relationship, my doctor has told me that I should have physical therapy since my abdominal muscles haven't healed properly from my last pregnancy, and I know that if I did this, my tummy would look better, and perhaps he would find it more attractive. I'm working on making this a priority, even though my husband says he doesn't care and rather just have me stay home. As much as I would like it to make him like me, I would feel better about my body if I did this. My doctor doesn't think I have any mental health issues, though. He is pretty laid back, though. I plan to keep the counseling session even if my husband refuses to go, because even if he doesn't go, I'd be interested if someone who specializes in this kind of thing feels differently.

For a while, I tried to get my husband to get a physical from a doctor (due to the fertility issues). He refused. First, he said he didn't know who he wanted to see, so I found a doctor I thought he'd like. Now he says he's too tired.

All in all, I'm hoping the counseling will help me find the next step. I'd love it if my husband decided to come. He says he still loves me and wants to be in this relationship, but like me, he also says he'd stay in the relationship even if he no longer loved me. I know that he wants a partner to cook, clean, and raise children in exchange for financial stability, and I'm down with that deal, but I don't really know if he's all that interested in a romantic relationship. He says he is, but he's been so resistant to counseling, doc appointments, etc..., it's hard to see that.

Thank you so much all. Before, I just felt so much despair and just stuck. Now, I have some hope that maybe things will change. We'll see. Thanks.
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