Originally Posted by 1of4
When things began to be serious and you all had to discuss it, do you mind if I ask who brought it up and how did that conversation go? In other words, when you realized you were developing real feelings/love for each other and had to discuss all the issues of open relationships, swinging (MWB?) vs polyamory, and exclusivity? I just feel like we've been living in this perfect little fantasy world for the past 14 months where we could just go with the flow and not worry about it, but have now come to a point that we have to talk about it, and I'm not sure how to do that.
Great question. For us swinging or a swinging mindset was never part of the equation and is not something we presently consider. Our relationship evolved out of a very strong foundational friendship. None of us was looking for partners in a poly mindset because none of us were or even knew we could be poly. In fact the real serious discussion about where do we go from here happened AFTER the sex. As we grew more and more intimate we reached a point where sexual exploration became a natural progression. But even at present, after nearly 6 years, none of us feels in any way interested in swinging. We are very invested in the emotional security of our exclusive quad.
For us this works because our objective and expectations are in alignment. Perhaps you all need to have the kind of discussion as to what you really do expect/want from your quad. Is exclusiveness the goal or are some/all of you open to exploring other relationships. I know some blend poly and swinging in the sense of remaining exclusive emotionally to the poly group but will allow recreational sexual activity without the emotional attachment outside of the primary group. For me this would represent a genuine struggle. How can one play sexually without risking an emotional attachment? For us this would make the whole dynamic weaker and very susceptible to failure.