Originally Posted by ramfish
That was what I thought would be happening ... but I'm getting the feeling J- isn't sure what he wants to do. Mostly, I don't think he's had the chance to talk to this girl about what kind of relationship they're going to have (open vs exclusive)
However, J- hasn't given me any indication that he actually wants to pursue anything romantic. He does however often tell me he cares about me and will say things like "I heart you" and call me sweetheart. Now, don't get him wrong, he's told me he doesn't want to lead me on, and he was pretty clear that the fact that I'm married, to him, means he doesn't/can't/wont think about (one of those) anything more with me.
It's all extremely complicated.
When he becomes clear on what he wants, it might be good to have a chat about the use of words with him. Try to identify what words trigger you to thinking maybe there is a chance although he indicates there is none. It's about saying things that match what you are doing. If the word sweet heart makes your pulse race and your heart beat faster than perhaps he could avoid that.
Also if your relationship is a platonic friendship, perhaps you are somewhat overzealous in your expectation for such routine and obligatory communication? Try not to reach out so much as perhaps this is pushing him away a little?
Just my thoughts