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Old 08-22-2012, 02:43 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Mono and I had a blow out yesterday. He came back from his trip straight into seeing his friend that he had/has a crush on and hasn't done any of the things I requested. I called him on it yesterday and it ended in a fight.

I don't do well with vague responses to questions and that's what I got from him. I can't figure out if its just not a big deal to him or if he is hiding something. Maybe he is simply overwhelmed. He won't say either way how he is feeling about anything and hasn't given me any indication that what I ask is true or false. Questions like, "are you going to see her" are answered with laughs and word that avoid what I am asking. Frustrating.

I suspected that he just isn't thinking about it at all so I asked after awhile of yelling and he said he doesn't actually. For some reason this set me off more than ever. I reminded him that I had asked for reassurance from him where she is concerned. When she came home she was immediately writing on his fb wall, and around in his life, everything that was left back when she left came right back for me. It was picked right up again.

I asked that he reassure me when she came back and would of at least liked to of been asked how I am doing with her return or given some indication that my place in his life is solid. What with his distraction over retiring soon I am often left feeling ignored and disconnected. I take it on as her being his focus.

I don't think he gets why I feel this way. To me he was dishonest and hasn't worked back my trust. I'm sorry that it takes time and effort and that he would prefer I just get over it, but I'm afraid I am not able to without his help. He doesn't seem to want to give me any so now I must decide how to handle it.

I think at this point my choices are limited. I am going to work on being more approachable so that he feels he can talk to me. I don't really know how to do that. Half of my concerns would not of built if he had done what I asked of him so now I have to find reassurance elsewhere.

I can see that I just have to drop it and carry on with other distractions. I could pick any number of things to do that but all of them lead me to being further and further from my already tenuous connection to him. We haven't had a moment to reconnect since he got back and I don't see that coming. It scares me. Still, I guess I just have to trust in the universe that this is just how it is and that everything will play out as it will.

Ideally, in time, my goal is to be perfectly fine with his wanting to spend time with her. Crossing fingers that I can do that as right now I don't see how I will ever be okay. I told Mono that and I hope that I won't feel that way forever.
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-22-2012 at 02:58 PM.
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