Thread: London/Boston
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:40 PM
LondonGuy LondonGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Humberside, no longer in London but I still visit regularly
Posts: 90

Thank Kevin I wasn't sure whether such spectrums could exist for something like poly relationships. I'm well aware of such theories behind LGBT and believe nobody is 100% straight or 100% gay. Similarly for BDSM kinks - I always thought of Polyamorous/monogamous as being something far more black and white but your thoughts on this helped a lot!

Love From Girl; your post annoyed me somewhat. You seem to have misinterpretted several of the points I made.

I am WELL aware that LGBT, Poly relationships and BDSM are all three distinct separate scenes and people do not have to be into all of them just to be into one of them. However all three are forms of alternative views to sex, relationships and sexuality. To this end I have found they have a very similar attitude and open mindedness.

There is also a reasonable amount of crossover between these three scenes, I know more LGBT people within the BDSM scene than I know outside of it and I know more poly people within the scene than I know outside of it (I actually know none outside of the BDSM scene but that is not to say that I am fully aware such a scene exists). I was only commenting that I was slightly surprised by the difference in the amount of crossover when comparing two different cities.

My ex tricked me into getting pregnant through not telling me that she wasn't using her birth control. My son is three and a half, I was his sole carer for the first 4 months of his life and his mother did nothing, she drove me into serious debt and depression through the way she treated me. She always used my son as a threat and ultimately when I ended it with her she stopped me from seeing him. I went to lawyers trying to get access raised these issues and they only said that it looked like he'd been well cared for over the first 4 months of his life. She is an attrocious mother and has blocked every attempt I've made for access.

If I try again now that I am working I will have to pay a fortune to get a lawyer with no guarantee of success. As it is I will have to pay 15% of anything I earn in child maintenance and a further amount to repay my student loan. In the UK both of these expenses are calculated using a Pay as You Earn (PAYE) system and if you are not earning within the UK then no payment is required - These are the personal/financial reasons I mentioned for moving and beyond this I would rather not talk about it.

The personal questions you asked regarding will my son visit me in Boston... I'd love him to but considering I don't get to see him in the UK at the moment I highly doubt I would be allowed to take him out the country. When he is old enough to understand I will find him and I will build a relationship with him as best I can. I realise I am missing out on some of the best and most influential periods of his life but I have tried 3 times through legal channels to gain access with no success, yet I still have to pay his mother so that she can go out and get drunk with her friends. Don't tell me for one second that I am turning my back on my son, you can have no possible idea what I went through. I am trying to deal with a shit situation as best I can, that's life.

Forced bisexuality is a kink. It is something I have always been curious about. For me the main draw of BDSM is D/s, I'm not so much into the S/m "I'm going to hit you until you bleed mentality", though I'd be totally fine and open minded with anyone who is! Part of my dominance is always wanting to know what limits my submissive would go to for me. Forcing a straight girl to go down on another girl is humiliating for her and doing it because I have told her to is an act of submission, it's something that would massively turn me on and I would be very proud of any sub that went through with it.

This kind of 'submission test' is less relavant if the girl is genuinely bisexual or bicurious but I would still let a girlfriend play with other women if bisexuality was part of her sexual make up.

I cannot be angry at my boss for making me wait to discuss things. He is an excellent boss, the fairest I've had throughout my working life and has been very supportive whenever I've had an issue. He is snowed under with about 5 big projects at the moment and is due to be taking some holiday soon. I am realistic and know this can wait until his return.

Now the bits that really annoyed me.....

I never once said that the choice here for me was 'whether to continue things with both girls secretively or openly'. I would not do that because I am not an arsehole. I have not spoken to the girl in Boston since we went out together the night before I flew back; she messaged me a couple of days ago but I haven't yet responded.

I have been open and honest with BOTH girls about my long term future and the uncertainty in any given timeframes. I hope this should prove to you that I am ALWAYS open and honest about things as this is the only fair way to be.

The challenge for me now is to assess my own attitude towards polyamorous relationships and how best I should approach this situation. If (and thats a big if that I'm still trying to determine) I decide I would like to continue flirting with the girl in Boston then this is an idea I will present as best I can to the girl I am seeing here in London. I would not go behind her back and if she was not happy with the idea then I would not proceed.

I am here to establish and formalise my own viewpoints hopefully so that I can discuss them with both girls mentioned above but also any potential future partners. I would not continue communication with both girls once there is a relationship established with either of them unless I fully discuss everything with both of them and have their approval. It would seem a relationship is begining to form with the girl in London and I need to establish whether I want to have this discussion or just cut things off with the girl in Boston.
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