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Old 08-22-2012, 12:52 PM
1of4 1of4 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 33

Thanks both Gary and MWB. It is so cool to have found two people in two separate long-term quad relationships. I had my husband read through this thread last night too. Its nice to know we aren't alone in the world. We have a lot of fun when we go out together or travel together (especially to places where we don't know anyone and feel more free to be open about the quad we are), but it's hard not to notice that we are "different" and hard not to be able to talk about it with anyone...not to be open with family and friends.

I don't know if we have any concrete questions. It is more just a general feeling of wanting to talk about some of what we've experienced to other people who would understand.

We've dealt with and overcome jealousy (my husband had issues with that at first) and we've each of us had to overcome bouts of mild insecurity that has manifested in different ways for each of us. I think those are the biggest "problems" we've had so far.

Logistics is an issue at times. I wish we lived close like all of you do! We live an hour or so apart which is a challenge at times. We usually go stay at their house for a couple of days each weekend or they come to ours and stay. Our child is grown and out of the house but they still have a child in elementary school, so that presents its own challenges too.

Gary, I relate to our comments about being Christian and the moral questions. We've dealt with and resolved those as well. I can't reveal any more about it than this, but one of us is particularly involved in our church which is an ongoing issue for us. If for no other reason, we'll never be able to be fully "out" for that reason.

Right now my biggest question is how to talk about the elephant in the room...the fact that this relationship has become very deep and meaningful and what exactly that might mean in terms of exclusivity. There wouldn't be any urgency except that almost a year ago we booked a trip together to a resort that is well known as being a resort for swingers. That trip is coming up in a few weeks and I'm afraid that if we don't at least talk about it and what each of us is expecting before then, that there could be some seriously hurt feelings. But at the same time I hesitate to be the one to bring it up because it kind of pushes things to the next level. My husband and I love the way things are right now and wouldn't change a thing (besides that it would be nice to live closer), but both want to know if they've been exclusive because that is what they want or if it has been more by default. But having that conversation almost makes it sound like we are pushing for a commitment, which I don't really think we are, so it is weird. Ugh.

When things began to be serious and you all had to discuss it, do you mind if I ask who brought it up and how did that conversation go? In other words, when you realized you were developing real feelings/love for each other and had to discuss all the issues of open relationships, swinging (MWB?) vs polyamory, and exclusivity? I just feel like we've been living in this perfect little fantasy world for the past 14 months where we could just go with the flow and not worry about it, but have now come to a point that we have to talk about it, and I'm not sure how to do that.

Last edited by 1of4; 08-22-2012 at 01:06 PM. Reason: clarification
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