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Old 08-21-2012, 11:41 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zusammen View Post
...after so much time being with Sax, I inevitably am in a "relationship". I don't want to not be with Sax, nor impose artificial restrictions... Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with the unintended seriousness that simply comes with time?
I think a good place to start is to look at certain words and what they mean to you, and whether they really apply to your relationship of not. What does "serious" mean? "Relationship?" "Primary?" "Love?" Get clear on separating the fantasies we were taught about relationships while growing up and what relationships really mean to you TODAY, as an adult. What do you want your relationships to be, and to bring you?

Many emotions pop up simply in response to thoughts we have, and we human beings think the same thoughts over and over again, so it is easy to manufacture feelings. Oh, believe me, I have daydreams about lovers, but I know where they're coming from, so I don't pay them credence and waste time wrestling with fantasies taught to me at an early age. The key is awareness - get to know yourself and how you think, and you can shed light on lots of things and handle them better by simply seeing what choices you have available NOW, in the present. I hope that makes sense.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 07:38 AM.
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