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Old 08-21-2012, 10:28 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Is your husband still working 72-hour weeks? That puts a giant burden on you at home. I am not sure where you would be able to fit a third person into your lives, since he's working all the time and that leaves you minding the children by default.

When all three of us were working full-time, even without kids, even without extra hours, we had to make sure our schedules fit together. I don't know how I coped with overnights when I had to work the next morning, to be honest. I need more sleep than I get when he's here and we're waking up at the crack of dawn. (Not want. Need. Ten hours for every twenty-four, minimum. Caffeine triggers panic attacks. You wonder how I ever held a job? So do I...) I'm much more flexible now I'm unemployed, which has helped on the poly end of things, but as a trade-off I cannot afford to go halves on a fun getaway. Necessary expenses don't vanish when you're sacked. The cats still have vet bills. I still have doctors to see, and now I pay for them out-of-pocket.

So if you're considering opening your relationship, put those practicalities high on your list. Where is the time? Where is the money? Almost every question boils down to one of those. "Where will my OSO and I spend time together" = "Where is the money?" if the answer is not "here at home". "When will I see my OSO?" is obviously "Where is the time?" And "with the kids" does not count. I'm talking about quality adults-only time. I'm sure you can guess why. [cough] [blush]

Also, quality of time versus quantity. Having one partner for funsies and one partner for all the chores just doesn't work. Each partner needs quality, non-chore-oriented time with you. As relationships evolve, how this happens might change. If your OSO becomes welcome in your home, he could offer to take the kids for a night while you and your husband have a date. He could do some chores so you and your husband can go do something fun. Just an example, of course, but you see where I'm going?
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