Idealist Polyblog- part 46-- catching up
It's been a while since I've posted on my blog and I'm planning on getting back into it. I still enjoy reading everyone else's posts!!
So, my current configuration is that I still live alone and my primary male partner is Richard. He also lives alone and his 2nd home is 2 1/2 hours away- while his Primary home is in the town I live in. We've been together for about 10 years now- with a few one to two year separations within that period. His secondary partner (that he had been seeing for 2 years) has gotten into a mono relationship, so he isn't seeing her any more.
Interestingly enough- he recently re-connected with his first ex wife. They were only married for a few years and that was when they were really young. She lives in another state and they have stayed in touch all these years. A few weeks ago, he flew over there and spent a few days with her. She knows about me (we've talked on the phone) and about our lifestyle. They had a great time together and she had a bit of an emotional episode- minor- about a week later where she expressed some sadness about enjoying his company so much and now facing the long distance between them and the desire to have more of him.
Which wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that he is working full time and (still- it's been a year since he bought it) remodeling his second house while also maintaining his first house. Not to mention that he likes to spend time with me on weekends and we have a social life also. The fact that she is long distance makes it more difficult to fit her into the schedule.
The subject has been discussed a lot on this forum--- of time being one of the issues that comes into play when living a polyamorous lifestyle. With the presence of NRE and other exciting emotions, it can be a challenge to enjoy a new relationship, or the reviving of an old relationship while keeping it in perspective and allowing it to flourish with the amount of time there is for it.
I have a guy that I am really interested in, but our main obstacle is that his wife isn't really into me or Richard and she is not feeling super generous when it comes to sharing her husband with me. I'm being patient (it's been 3 years since we met) and he and I have only had one intimate evening together. She let him visit me at a Hotel in New Orleans with a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement-- so she doesn't know for sure what happened that night between us-- which is fine with me, but I wish she were more interested. The frustrating part is that I am very attracted to her also, but she is straight and doesn't seem to be interested in getting to know me at all.
I have rented a Condo on the Beach in Florida for the entire month of November and I have extended an invitation to them to visit me there. My goal is to get to know her better and I'm okay even if it is a vanilla weekend because I would like her to realize that I can be an interesting person and that I'm no threat to her. It wouldn't matter to me so much, but it seems to be important to him. They are pretty close-- they were childhood friends growing up and have been together all their lives. She has battled with (and overcome) cancer, and they were victims of Hurricane Katrina. So they've been through a lot together.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.