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Old 08-21-2012, 08:31 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,683

I feel a bit out of control right now and am hoping that by processing here I will get my ducks in a row.

Met Brad's wife's bf who is also seeing Leo's wife while camping with Brad this weekend. Apparently they are just friends though, but who knows what is going on. Anyway, he was grascious enough to include me in their conversations and talked mostly to Brad and I at first. We talked about movie mostly.

I met his kids and wife too. The boy asked me several times why my boy, LB, wasn't there as he has been expecting to meet him. Unfortunately the treasure hunt I had planned was not going to work as LB and his best friend had to leave before they got there. I asked if they would be interested in doing it at another time and they seemed to be open to that.

Later I talked to the wife of the couple and we had a long chat about poly dynamics and the importance of pacing, consideration of everyone involved, not taking on other peoples issues yet respecting that they have them etc. They are all very new and she pointed this out several times. The communication thing seems to of had its doors opened wide for all of them. It was exciting to see how excited she was. She seemed to think that at some point there would be some settling and we laughed that after 13 years (?) Of doing this, the settling is very short lived.

We made them a fantastic salmon dinner and all were quite settled and relaxed by the time they left. I was so nervous ahead of time. Brad held me as I cried in fear of what they might think of me. I was out of my element without the support of Mono, Derby and PN. I rely on them to turn to, but found that Brad was there for me. It was a moving and special moment for us. One of many this weekend.

Back to work and to the return of my co-worker. Its going pretty well. She is consumed with several things in her life and I think she thinks I made a choice between Brad and Ken. I didn't, as I don't pick favourites as a rule, but if she is happy with that, then I will be too. We don't talk about Ken or our relationship lives at all. I don't know if that will ever change, but for now at least we are able to work together. My ultimate goal.

Mono came back from his trip and hasn't been enitrely present. I haven't heard much from him other than his retirement stress. He commented on the lack of talking about anything deep for four days and I took that to mean that I should not talk about stuff. So I haven't. I don't do well with that, but I don't know what else to do.

There has been little opportunity to talk anyway, but really I don't think he wants to get into anything major and wishes I would go elsewhere for that. I told him I just want to be near him and that is all. If we spend dates having sex and just sitting together, that would be fine.

Mono's crush interest is back and posting all over his fb again. I heard her voice on the phone too. I don't know if she is also texting, but her presence is very "there." I asked him for reasurance once and he has given it to me in the form of blowing off any kind of connection with her. I am trying to trust that as I owe it to him to believe that, but its hard. He doesn't tell me anything and when I ask I get so much information on what they talk about that I am blown away after at how much contact they have. Or I percieve they have. I just keep breathing.

Derby is on holiday. I meet her at polycamp in NW Washington this next weekend. I can't wait to see her. It sounds like she is having a fabulous time traveling with her family. She needed the break.

I decided to do a burlesque number at camp. I'm more nervous that ever. Something about it is different and more intimate. I have two shows coming up after it that have got me right back into the swing of it.

PN has been emailing back and forth to an ex of his that I once new on the forum. Stories of her are on this blog from way back in the summer of 2010. I'm happy for him. I don't know if it is going anywhere, but I am happy they are enjoying each others company again.

LB did really well camping without his dad and best buddy. He had his best friend there though and the two of them were a pleasure to be with. They played a little with Brad's boy who is five years younger than they are. I got a bit of child free time for half the weekend as PN came and got the boys on Saturday afternoon. We all went for a hike to a nearby falls, had a snack and they headed home.

Tonight is poly pub night and Brad and PN are coming with me. The evening divided between the two. Tomorrow I am seeing a movie at a drive in with Brad and Mono. The next day I am visiting with my ex wife who is in town and packing for camp. This weekend I will be off line for three days... Sweet bliss with three of my loves at poly camp. "! Is coming too. I will be wishing Brad was there and Ken too as he originally was going to go. Still, I need the break and it will be super fun.
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-21-2012 at 11:06 PM.
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