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Old 08-21-2012, 07:27 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Oh Becca, what you have going on all sounds great to me! I am someone who likes my independence and don't want to live every day of my life with a "partner." I realize more and more how nice it is to spend a day or two here and there with someone - when we know our time is limited, we make the most of it. It's like having a treat to look forward to. It isn't weird, and you're not weird (or you're my kind of weird, maybe ).

Everyone's not doing it this way because not everyone thrives in that kind of environment, where there is so much stimulation or variety. Some folks want the communal setting, a poly tribe, where they're all sharing a household and moving toward a goal together, while others like activity and change and the intensity of experience when you're trying to fit all that passion, love, camaraderie, and affection into 24 hours since you know you won't see that person again for two weeks or whatever - whoo, exciting! And there is every possible configuration in between! We each have our own style and a pace that appeals to us.

I also think it is only natural to want to take care of the people you love and care about, so wondering of you're giving them enough time, attention, and whatever else they need is part of that.

It sounds like you're doing just fine.

Have you ever read the thread for solo poly people, where we talk about our dreams and ideals, and how poly works for us who don't have primaries and/or live-in partners? It is here: Solo poly people - what's your ideal?. Feel free to add to it, if you like!

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
I have developed what I call my "spiritual battery" - it has nothing to do with religion, it's just my way of thinking about what energy I have to devote to things. Some things in life add to the battery - they charge it - other things drain it. Sometimes I drain something out because of the charge I get back. Sometimes, when things are just tooo crazy, I have a few "go-to" activities that I know will charge me up - I will tell folks that I need a break, and go and do those.

Because if you are feeling frazzled then that's one sign that your internal battery is probably getting low and you need to do what you can to recharge it. If you have no energy then you aren't putting enough into the time you have with your partners, and the relationships suffer. In order to have sustainable relationships you have to work to keep that battery in you charged up.
I like this. Instead of a battery, I think in terms of a scale, one of those old-fashioned balance scales with two bowls:
In relationships, when I feel like the scales have tipped too far in the direction of being more work, grief, and problematic issues than fun, comfort, and satisfaction, it tells me there is either work to do, a need for a break, or time to let go (of something, whether a behavior, belief, or person, what-have-you). Not that the relationship can never have problems or issues - equilibrium is not a static state - but I assess if there an imbalance, with too much time spent in the "not fun anymore" side of the scale.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 08-21-2012 at 07:49 PM.
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