Originally Posted by SNeacail
Yes, your an adult, living rent free or with a greatly cheaper rent than you could get elsewhere (or why else would you be living with mom).
Were SSI more plentiful, and easier to get, I wouldn't be.
But I am trying to come 'round to your point of view and, from there, hers. Please be patient as I work through it!
I should begin by saying that I don't expect to support others for a long time to come. The only sensible way for me to be a parent is by adoption, and if it comes to that, adoption of an older child. I do pay the vet bills for the family pets; I pay my medical bills (they do pile up); if I add anything to the grocery bill, it's no more than $10 a week (which also piles up, yes).
I am capable of helping with chores provided I am doing them with someone else. My energy reserves, as far as physical activity goes, are lower than my parents', all things being equal. That said, I do try to get my dishes into the dishwasher, and I find I'm getting better with beds. I think what I need, in order to contribute on a housekeeping level, is an actual list of agreed-upon tasks. When something is my domain, I enjoy taking charge of it. I'm terrible at mopping and sweeping, but great with dishes. I'd like to resume my old one-load-a-day habit, laundry-wise, so if my parents would be willing, I could wash theirs with mine during the day. It's not so tough! Into the washer, into the dryer, folded and, if I can find a convenient place for it, ironed. I am going to learn how to darn holes; I already repair seams well by hand, and I look forward to trying out the slip stitch for certain hems.
I have been told not to interfere with the mail, so I take mine and leave the rest. I long to install a mail system of some kind for the household, even something as simple as baskets on a shelf.
When my brother moved back home when he lost his job (recently after his divorce), he too struggled with my parents desire to know his schedule. He was used to coming and going as he pleased. However, they had a right to know if he was having friends over to THEIR house or if they needed to call the cops because someone was opening the front door at 2am.
Oh, goodness, that is a reasonable desire on your parents' part. We have that sorted, at least. I wouldn't spring guests on roommates any more than I would my parents. We are still working out how to classify CdM after four years.
I say he's family, Mum still thinks of him as a guest. I wonder how she will treat her sister when she comes to stay in a year? That'll be interesting.
I also know that my parents do care for my safety. I don't go out much, but when I do, I understand that they get fearful. I will never stop being their child on some level. My phone is always on, except when I've been an idiot and let the battery run down, as I did overnight. Oh, dear. Setting that to charge now.
Maybe a different approach with your mom would work? "Mom, I know you don't want to climb the stairs, but if I don't respond when you first call up, it's almost guaranteed, I can't hear you. No amount of yelling will change that. Please don't make yourself hoarse by screaming, but come and knock on my door to get my attention." This is a habit and habits are hard to break. Keep reminding her, but don't let your irritation show. She's not doing this to purposely irritate you.
So noted. I'll try harder.
They love me. I love them. Working out new dynamics is frustration itself; I need to remember the part about not irritating each other on purpose. Mum is not waking me because she wants me sleep-deprived. She's waking me because she likes news with her coffee, only the TV is weird and complicated. Things like that.
Note to self: make troubleshooting guide?