Originally Posted by Gary
Sounds like we have much in common. Curious...were you and your husband open to the idea of poly before becoming intimate with your friends or did the relationship change your thinking?
Honestly, we had never even heard of polyamory. Like "marriedwithbenefits" we had "dabbled" in swinging a little bit. Just very, very mild soft swinging...a couple of encounters over the six months or so prior to meeting our friends...as a way to explore some fantasies.
We actually met them on a swinger website. But by that time, my husband and I had pretty much decided swinging wasn't really for us and we weren't going to pursue it anymore. Could tell they were nice people from their emails though, and they were brand new, so we got together for drinks one night with just the intention of answering questions for them and telling them about some of the local swinger groups. But sure enough, we hit it off, and well, the rest is history.
But the fact that we came at it through swinging has introduced some interesting dynamics. We've now been exclusive since the first time we met and are all well aware that this thing called "poly" exists in the world, we spend nights at each others houses every weekend, talk every day, miss each other when we are apart, have traveled together, have integrated each other into our lives (meeting families and other friends)...and yet have never discussed the fact that what we have is far closer to poly than swinging.
You mentioned that you have had to deal with issues and challenges. We've certainly had those as well. But you have many more years invested in your quad relationship. I have a feeling I/we could learn a lot from you. I'd love to know more if you are open to sharing.
I have to say, reading about a quad that has been successful and happy for so many years makes me optimistic! We are definitely happy and so far successful, but the fact that I haven't been able to find many stories of quad relationships that have worked in the long term has worried me a little.