Originally Posted by thinkinboutpoly
i do think it would be easier to understand if someone in that situation explained it to us
I am in a quad relationship (two married couples) and the four of us are often in the same bed together. The two males in our group are straight and never interact sexually. They just don't. There just isn't any desire there and they don't. We all care about each other very, very deeply. That caring just isn't sexual between the men. As we mellow into the relationship (about 14 months into it now) we more often end up as two separate couples...either in the same bed, same room, or different rooms...but earlier in the relationship we would often end up having sex in threesome or foursome arrangements. The other female and I are more open to bi interaction and we sometimes have some mild interaction, but it is usually more of a M-F-M-F arrangement. When there are three of us it has been a pretty even split between M-F-M or F-M-F.
My husband and I have been watching the show and when we can find private time to watch TV together (no children around), we've watched a few episodes with the other couple. The first few episodes were all about sex, but now it is more about the relationship dynamics so it has become more interesting. We see some things that are familiar to us, but other things that are very unfamiliar. While we spend most weekends with the other couple in our quad, we don't live together, so that is part of it. We also came at our relationship from a swinging perspective. None of us were experienced swingers...it is just that we approached our first few encounters from that "no attachments allowed" perspective. The relationship and caring and emotions snuck up on us. We still skirt around labels and only cautiously use the "L" word (love). If we had to label it, we would be more likely to call ourselves "friends with benefits" than either swingers (since none of us have swung with any one else - lol) or poly.
As far as the two poly groups the show is following...the balance of power seems to be somewhat off in the quad group. I have some trouble relating to that group. The triad seems far healthier to me and the depth of their love seems more real to me. But it might just be the way the producers are depicting them, so it is hard to say for sure.
Just my to cents.