Our relationship is almost back to where it was. A lot of the hold up is me. Because Im nervous it will happen again even though he swears it wont. He says he now knows what to expect and that he wont ever betray me like that again.(Lying is one of those things I CANT stand) And a couple weeks ago he asked me to find myself a bf again. I told him it was something I was afraid of doing because of the fear he will use things against me again. Its very hard for me to open up. So I keep saying I dont know
You do not sound enthused.
It's great he's gotten a better job, better with kids, communicating with you now. But that is just behaving like a basic human being. Nothing stellar. Nothing extraordinary. After 8 mos of unexplained spiteful treatment? That doesn't mean you are good to Open yet!
Why jump ahead to dating probs? You have rship prob still maybe. These things...
- He created an account and lied?
- He stops speaking to you for 8 mos because of spite?
- He was angry and did not know WHY and did not want to investigate this with you?
- Was that anger thing ever resolved to your mutual satisfaction?
- It takes you asking for divorce for him to change a stinky job, do right by the kids, and talk to you like a regular person?
WHY did all that happen? I don't get a sense of that in your post. Those are just swept under rug now?
He behaves like a wall of silence from SPITE, then finally starts being basic human again.
And this just makes it all better? I do not hear the probs were actually addressed, talked about, explained and you still feel emotionally unsafe and unsure.
Why does he want you to find a BF so bad? What his reason on that?
Is that the gateway to him having a GF? If he wants a GF -- isn't it easier for him to ask you if that is ok?
What is the reasoning to Open at this time?
What if you say "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm done with that poly scene. I just want you." Could he be ok there? Could you?
Do you want this? To Open?
I guess I'm not seeing that you have repaired you relationship well enough to Open again and do it well. You aren't either if you are posting here about it.