You are all awesome! Thank you!
I think I should just go with it.
My partner doesn't want to know much about what happens with hubby, although he will happily talk about him if the conversation comes up.
Hubby likes to know "vague details, just ideas" about the sex stuff. This was part of the learning to deal with the situation. He was very vanilla and had no idea about BDSM practices of any sort. He started reading things and discussing stuff with me so he could find out more about why I might need kinks and what that means. It seems to have made him question himself a bit more. Totally amazing side effect. By BDSM standards, he is still vanilla but he tied me up the other day (yey!), whereas just a year ago if I tried to get him to do that he would have freaked out. I guess I should just go with it.
It does seem like it is more "my" issue than theirs. I'll be sure to carefully work out what I want to keep to myself, and what I want/am able to share between both of them.