I normally talk about my primary relationship and try to balance my discussions between primary and secondary in my blog. Since it's been a couple hours and no one has responded, I'll start this out.
In the past 6 months I have had 3 separate "secondary" relationships begin to form. One of them fizzled because I was asked to focus on my marriage and by the time I was able to return my attention to the girl, it didn't seem right anymore. Another, the girl backed away from me because I was coming on too strong, and the third, I messed up big time and scared my primary because I was getting too close to my secondary.
In all three of these scenarios, I was acting like a primary towards what was supposed to be a secondary situation. I am having an incredibly difficult time not coming on too strong and not becoming attached too easily. I know most people take relationships slowly and build into them, but I am able to form attachments extremely strongly and quickly. In mono relationships this is fine because you're spending all your time with the other person, so they develop their feelings quicker too, but when you're only seeing someone once a week, it kind of freaks them out when you move ahead quicker than they are willing, emotionally.
As a secondary, how the hell do you pace yourself and remind yourself that this isn't a race and to be patient and let things form naturally and fluidly? It's killing me to know that I pushed away two girls I REALLY liked. There's currently another girl that is a potential match for me and I'm already feeling like "why isn't she messaging me back?". Ugh.
This is seriously worse than not being able to find someone.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old